Ho, ho, ho, Hosanna in the Highest, Praise the Host of Hosts, Praise be for Pop Tarts, May the Earth sing of their glory, Of those Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Low Fat Toasted pastries. And as we nibble away that exterior frosting, Exposing the warmth of toasted goo beneath, May we give glory to … Continue reading
Author Archives: Joe
The Fortnight in Sport: What the Hell Has Happened to Sport?
Pyrotechnics – Watching the gladiatorial conquerers of world rugby enter the sporting arena as flamethrowers send shots of fire into the night’s air can make for good slow-motion replays, but when I saw the same technique used at the cricket during this summer’s ICC Champions Trophy it went beyond comical. No one can doubt the … Continue reading
Real Wake-Up for Fergie
March roared in like a lion for Manchester United. They had a lead of twelve points in the league, reached the quarter finals of the FA Cup and scored an away goal in a 1-1 draw with Real Madrid in the Champions League. As happens at this time of year when United remain in all … Continue reading
Premier League Half-Term XI
The holiday season has passed, with the deluge of football and silly catch phrases (“pantomime season”, “Christmas crackers”). We can now take a look back at a highly entertaining first half of the season in the Premier League. The usual suspects might be at the top but the good form of West Brom, Norwich City, Swansea … Continue reading
Ramblings on Democracy
“There is no terrible way to win. There is only winning.” Grand Prix, 1966 The crowd surges forward against the police barricade protecting a Bank of America. Press photographers jostle among the angry, contorted faces – many covered by bandanas – to protect anonymity and against the inevitable tear gas. In the midst of the … Continue reading
From the Depths: Great Expectations
It’s a little sad that we can’t listen to music like we did as kids – when you liked a band so much you’d listen to their new album over and over and over again until you had finally brain-washed yourself into believing the album was great, no matter how foreign it had first sounded. … Continue reading
For Whom The Bell Tolls: A Year Into the Present
Time is a curious beast. They say time stops for no man, but in truth, man invented time. Sure we didn’t create the sun, the earth’s rotation or orbit, but we plotted weeks and months and years and when that wasn’t enough we divided days into hours and minutes and seconds and milliseconds and so … Continue reading
The Hero of a Thousand Races
The first thing I noticed I as entered the cinema was that, surprisingly, it was three quarters full. Granted, we had gathered for a documentary on Ayrton Senna, the Ayrton Senna, but the general American public has rarely cared for Formula 1 (or, for that matter, any sport an American didn’t dominate). I could only … Continue reading
The Fortnight in Sports #4
Yes, folks, this is it. The grand swan song to international football has arrived in the fourteenth itineration of the European Championships. As you may well know this will be the last version of the tournament to feature sixteen teams. The next tournament, hosted in France (homeland of a certain Michel Platini), will feature twenty … Continue reading
From the Depths: Sleep No More
It’s way past two o’clock in the morning and I’m still wide awake – my ears ringing, my neck slightly sore (the kind of soreness that will certainly lead to creaking pain tomorrow), and I’m just staring off into space, sometimes forgetting to blink. Yes, after two hours – almost completely uninterrupted – of a … Continue reading
From the Depths: Children of Doom
Sometimes it’s just about impossible to ignore locale with certain bands. In spite of all the fantasy in their lyrics, High on Fire exude Oakland – that dangerous, rebellious and insolent ugly-sibling of San Francisco. Amidst all the blades, snakes, flames, wolves, thieves, plagues and various monsters that grace their album covers, one can make … Continue reading
Tales from the Crypt (a Premier League Live Broadcast)
Good morning, all. I know that many of you will not be able to read this account of the final day of the Premier League live as I write it – this I am told is an issue with your outdated web browser and has nothing to do with the technical capabilities of the Checkerboard … Continue reading
A Scenario of You and Me: The Reemergence of Refused Pt. 2
[297] Corruption. The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently. [573] Shedding one’s skin. The snake that cannot shed its skin perishes. So do the spirits who are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be spirit. … Continue reading
The Fortnight* In Sports #2
* The Collective reserves the right to define the period of time constituting a fortnight. Any complaints will be completely disregarded. The Gooner Roller Coaster So just when I was about to jump on a high and handsome horse to gloat about my early season prediction of Gooner demise, belatedly fulfilled, suddenly Arsenal look to … Continue reading
Best Shows Ever – Part 1
NOFX in Hong Kong 2005 A decade on from the first time I put a scratched up copy of “I Heard They Suck Live” – a Secret Santa gift from a classmate – into my discman, the infamous NOFX washed up onto the shores of Hong Kong. I had a number of opportunities in the … Continue reading
The Fortnight in Sports #1
Premier League “You need character. To win leagues you need character.” Character. You can’t put a price tag on character. Good thing too, because Manchester United have it in abundance even while they hemorrhage money in interest payments and miscellaneous fees to the Glazer family. Even prior to clawing their way back from a three … Continue reading
The Reemergence of Refused
My memory is atrocious. Without books and videos and Wikipedia to tell me everything I’d know absolutely nothing. One thing I do remember, very clearly however, is the first time I heard “Worms of the senses/Faculties of the skull” by Refused, from their album The Shape of Punk to Come. I had bought the album … Continue reading
Sporting Bucket List – Part Two
blogging v. to address an imaginary and totally fictitious audience with ridiculously private and extremely dull thoughts, often while under the delusion as if one were really interesting or writing in a real publication or something. Yes, dear readers, I know how you have pined for a new topic to flow forth from this column … Continue reading
Sporting Bucket List – Part One
A few months ago I had never heard of a bucket list. Sure, I knew of the idea, from books and televisions shows – “1001 Books to Read Before You Die” or “100 Places to Visit Before You Die” – but, as a young man, I never took the idea of planning out one’s life … Continue reading
Aimless Ramblings on Consumerism
In our last issue a kind reader responded to Suhail’s article with a simple question. What’s wrong with consumerism? Carrying, as I do, no small amount of cynicism and pessimism towards the main-stream, I personally rarely see anything right about consumerism. I suppose, however, the standard prerogative does not see things this way and that … Continue reading
Is Your Ten Half Empty or Half Full?
To the surprise of many a faithful reader, I must reveal that this humble columnist secretly takes great pleasure in nothing other than a good moan. Whether it be a complaint about flashing advertisements at football grounds, the horror of adding words such faux-hawk to one’s vocabulary or simply the general nuisance of professional athletes … Continue reading
Between the Idea and the Reality
This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a whimper. This is not a good week for a Manchester United supporter to contemplate or write about sports. Not a good week at all. One can tell themselves that, 1-0 … Continue reading
The Hero of a Thousand Races…
The first thing I noticed I as entered the cinema was that, surprisingly, it was three quarters full. Granted, we had gathered for a documentary on Ayrton Senna, the Ayrton Senna, but the general American public has rarely cared for Formula 1 (or, for that matter, any sport an American didn’t dominate). I could only … Continue reading
The Autumn Wind is a Pirate…
Unfortunately sometimes real life interferes with sport. By this I mean, sometimes you lease an apartment less than seventy two hours before you have to move out of your current residence; thereby ensuring a whirlwind three days of packing, moving, cleaning, gnashing of teeth, internet withdrawal and worst of all…no time to watch sports. And … Continue reading
Kicking Off
Finally the transfer window slams shut and we can all discuss football with some common sense. Invariably chatter will focus on the top. Who is going to win the league? Who will challenge for European honours? Which summer transfer will flop and which will justify his big-money move? And while all these are interesting issues, … Continue reading
A Yankering Over Cricket (or How I’d Love a Chocolate McVities Right About Now…)
This man probably didn’t care about cricket Indian sports fans this week will mourn not only the loss of their cricket side’s number one Test status, but lament the manner in which they tamely surrendered the recent Test series with England. The only question that remains is why the hell I, as an American, should … Continue reading
Summer Daze
Someone finds this stuff interesting… Despite the fact that the bloody dishwasher at work already told me the result, I’m about to watch Argentina vs. Uruguay. Why am I going to watch it? Because it was a good match? Probably not. To give a match report for this esteemed publication? Don’t kid yourself. I’m not … Continue reading
The horror…the horror…or The European Grand Prix 2011…
“So it wasn’t a fun race, all told.” – Jenson Button, unfortunate F1 driver, wishful rooftop partier Oh god, what can you even say? Eight races, seven pole positions, six victories. And now another seemingly effortless treble of pole position, fastest lap and race victory for runaway championship leader Sebastian Vettel at the European Grand Prix in … Continue reading
Checkerboard Collective 