CC Issue 48 / Literature

A Twenty-First Century Psalm No. 1

Ho, ho, ho, Hosanna in the Highest,
Praise the Host of Hosts,
Praise be for Pop Tarts,
May the Earth sing of their glory,
Of those Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon Low Fat Toasted pastries.

 

And as we nibble away that exterior frosting,
Exposing the warmth of toasted goo beneath,
May we give glory to the Lord
For the wondrous beauty of Wildlicious Wild! Fruit Fusion:
Artificially flavored fruit fusion,
Gift from Heaven,
Undeserved manna from above,
High fructose corn syrup and partially hydrogenated soy bean oil,
The wonders of xanthan gum and modified corn starch,
Red 40, Yellow 5, Yellow 6 and Blue 1.

 

Oh wondrous Salvation of Sprinkles!
Oh how His mercies are new every morning!

 

Guard us against the drudgery of oatmeal,
Sticking to the back of our throats,
So bland, so gloopy.
Save us from the dark temptation of cholesterol:
Evil eggs yolks and barbaric bacon.
But bless us, your will be done, with microwaveable vegan breakfast burritos,
Feeding our conscience with tofu scramble and tofurky bacon.
Yet keep congee for the Chinese,
Let the heathen suffer their punishment
Of rotting eggs and salted swine.

 

Shower us with your blessings, Lord.
A kaleidoscope of sprinkles on a Hot Fudge Sundae Pop Tart.
A good source of 7 vitamins and minerals;
0mg cholesterol.
Oh my God!
Praise be to Thee!

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