CC Issue 20 / Comedy / Reflections

“When does the Narwhal Bacon?” and other Compelling Questions

Bacon NarwhalThose who know me well are probably sick of hearing the following two statements:”I love summer!” and “I love google!” As it is April 29th and still dropping below zero overnight, I will be talking about google today. While I know that Google the corporation has been subject to some scrutiny in recent years, at the moment I am more interested in singing the search engine’s praises. I could go on about google doodles making my morning, easter eggs spicing up the work day (shout out to Stuart Crump for the tip!) or my over-fondness of google calendar and documents but a simple mention will have to suffice.

Recently google’s auto complete or search suggestions have been entertaining and enlightening me to no end. Now that I have my precious iPhone I pretty much perform a google search every time the fancy strikes me, which is far too often. In honour of the Checkerboard Collective’s twentieth edition here are some of my favourite google search suggestions in no particular order revealing the questions pressing on the minds of a generation based on 20 common searches*.

1. How long does it take to…
get to the moon?
get pregnant?
digest gum?

2. How to…
make french toast
cook asparagus
take a screenshot on a mac

3. Why…
is my poop green?
are manhole covers round?
did Alcatraz close?

4. When…
does the narwhal bacon?
to use whom
to use a semicolon

5. Who was…
Jim Crow?
fired on celebrity apprentice?
born on my birthday? (2)

6. Where…
is Waldo?
is Chuck Norris?
is New England?

7. Should you…
kiss on the first date?
kill Paarthurnax?
run everyday?

8. How many times…
was 50 cent shot?
was Marilyn Monroe married?
a week should I run?

9. How far…
is a league?
is a light year?
is a click?

10. Do you…
underline book titles?
know the muffin man?
like waffles?

11. Rules of…
a lady
the internet
fight club

12. When was…
the internet invented?
the battle of red cliffs?
slavery abolished?

13. How often…
should you wash your hair?
should you poop?
does Netflix update?

14. Does it…
offend you yeah?
snow in Australia?
blend?

15. How is…
Easter determined?
gold formed?
vinegar made?

16. Is it…
safe to travel to Mexico?
illegal to be high?
a full moon tonight?

17. Top…
100 songs
movies of 2012 and all time
shop

18. Ways to…
...induce labor
ask a girl to prom
cook eggs

19. Homemade…
laundry detergent
playdough
mac and cheese. Yum.

20. Countdown to…
the end of the world
liquor day
summer!

While I am pretty certain that none of you clicked on all of these enticing suggestions, I hope you learned something new today. If you took nothing else away from this list, I hope you were at least reminded of what a strange place the internet is.

*Just to be clear, I am not searching all of these ridiculous things! Only the “Why…” was entered by me for goodness’ sake.

3 thoughts on ““When does the Narwhal Bacon?” and other Compelling Questions

  1. Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is
    a very well written article. I’ll be sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your useful information. Thanks for the post. I’ll certainly comeback.

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